your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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