New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
