it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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