I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We just shotgunned beers for America
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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