He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize