Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
