i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
