saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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