He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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