The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
