Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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