4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
