upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
