so that wasnt chicken after all
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
