My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We are two peas in an std pod
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
