Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
