id be glad to
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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