stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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