Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
