Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
