honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
