I wish I only lived at night.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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