is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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