May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
