Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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