Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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