I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
