At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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