How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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