Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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