Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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