Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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