Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i came on her dog
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
