we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize