So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
