I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
