I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
