Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
