i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize