what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
