I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize