I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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