Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize