my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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