he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
