nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
