Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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