4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
