You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
