Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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