so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
