You're so nebulous sometimes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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