Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
