some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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