have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
