I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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