I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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