The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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