By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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