how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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