just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize