Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
