he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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