I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
