I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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