Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
