Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
