she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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