grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
