They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
