i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
