it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
