I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
how does that bad decision feel?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
