I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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