a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
